Hello,

Just announcing a new Beta game called " Aldarion - The Mariner's Amulet".


Objective : Collect the seven magic stones and find the Mariner's Amulet.
Category : Fantasy
Difficulty :Hard

Feedback appreciated.

the game can be found at http://textadventures.co.uk/games/view/ ... w/aldarion

It is not finished...

I'll put this here for your reviewing pleasure.

General criticisms/comments:
1. Make sure a game is fully finished (or at least close) before beta-testing. Or, at least give the tester some clue as to what they should experience when testing. I thought this game might have been close to done but I think it has miles to go.
2. Glad to see you had few items mentioned in rooms without a 'look at' description.
3. Work on dialogue with NPCs. There was nothing to gain other than 'hey, I just said something to that NPC' when talking to any NPC - add a lot of stuff in the ask/tell boxes for those NPCs. It'll make the game more real. Also, I would not use the 'play type dialogue' (can't remember what it is called) - example:
Gnara: You say hello.
Syx: Hello Gnara.
Gnara: How are you today? etc.
Simply use a script in response to 'talk to player'. Randomizing responses are a great (albeit slightly more advanced coding option) when 'talking to player'. That way the player can hear different things the NPC has to say. And then!!! that player can ask or tell the NPC about something the NPC said. Makes for great conversation. Ask on the Forum if you are unsure how to do this.
4. Grammar, grammar, grammar, grammar check! There were far too many grammatical errors in here for a player to 'get lost' in the story. I've posted some of those errors I noticed below.
5. There is a good sense of exploration, which is good.
6. Be careful with the map grid. There were at least two places where two rooms overlapped one another. If I were you, I might consider getting rid of the map grid all together.
7. As far as I can tell, you had about 20-ish rooms but only one object that could be picked up (the root) but nothing could be done with it (as far as I can tell.
8. So far, and I assume it is not finished - I saw no signs or hints about the location of ANY of the magic stones, nor did I run into any puzzles. I assume the root had to go in water somewhere... but I tried to use it on the pool/put it in the pool and I got the standard built-in Quest response when a logical and thoughtful response could easily be provided on your end.

Grammar (and pardon me if this is not easy to understand) - for grammar I used capital letters to indicated word changes or misspellings:
Opening page:
fairiEs, startS

Treehouse:
youR home...
planterS
flowerS
X planter = together (misspelled)

School:
sChool
x renna = wearS
talk to renna = riddled with grammar errors, proofread

Brewery:
x barrel = filled with...

Dance room:
overlaps on map
your sister, Brandy (comma)

Workshop:
x Dolly = superviseS not supervised
talk to dolly = builderS, always (misspelled), 'such' not so, you ARE so kind...

shoes shop:
x shoes = I can't see that?!? Put a description in there for shoes!

Balcony:
tub not tubE
x chair: rock not rockS

Clearing:
ladder goinG

Mystwood:
safety OF the

Square:
encased? probably not the proper word to describe that
standS
x syx = loveS, miNstrel not mistrel
talk to syx = you spelled syx 'six'

Library:
get rid of prefix on books - it reads 'a books'

Town Hall:
councelors (misspelled), want not wantS, instead of OVER the seats maybe use ABOVE
x suki = talin'S, kingdom not kingdoom, WEARS not wer, look at the talk to suki punctuation (not very grammatically correct there)
x seats = comfy not comfty (or however it was spelled)

Path:
A a - get rid of the second a
carton box? What is this? What is it for? There is no description, no taking it, no opening it...

Sickbay:
separAted

Beach:
ON not in
crAshing not crushing

Bath:
clothes in., one... = get rid of comma and capitalize One
is not its
coverED

South beach:
x daniel - likeS

castle corridor:
Overlaps on map
talk to noon = Noon not noojn

Throne:
queen'S
x queen = regalLy not regaly; silk, (comma); talk to queen is all sorts of messed up

I only am spending time giving so much criticism here because I think I see some good stuff here. It's imaginative, it's descriptive, it's exploration. Bottom line, keep writing this game, double/triple check grammatical stuff, and ask on the forum if there is something you want to accomplish with Quest but are unsure how to do it. There are a LOT of good helpers who like helping us game writers!

Good luck and Happy Gaming.

First of all thanks a lot for such a fast response.
Criticism are good for development and they,ve been taken in.
Corrected grammmar errors as you suggested.

I add under a list of the puzzles just in case you are intersted..
You can find out how the root and the box are used.


*** Lana The Witcher ***
get tankard go to brewery fill tankard go to woods get valerian root infuse it carrying full thankard give it to Lana...she fall
asleep and the door to the south is free


*** Dolly The Builder ***
dig the bricks from outside cave with the shovel, take them, go to workshop, gave Dolly the bricks, she gives you a lute.
....letter E

*** Syx The Minstrel ***
Gave her Lute , ask to play a song Letter..D

*** Renna the Maid ***
Go to the bath house, unlock cleaning cabinet with small key you found in the bushes of the clearing, get duster, take it to Renna and get bandages
Letter...E

*** Jagi The Healer ***
gave her the bandages get Healer Stone Letter ...R

*** Brandy The Dancer ***
go to shoes emporium search in the shelves, get ballerina shoes gave them to Brandy Letter....N

*** Suky The Mother ***
greet mom and she gaves you the jar,kiss mom and you get the Mother Stone Letter.....I

*** Daniel the Fairy ***
Go to town Hall, get jar from Suki,go to the path, kick carton box,you'll see a pot of honey, take it, go to South Beach
open honey, drop it,Daniel get stuck in the sticky honey, you can now capture him using the jar it leaves the Fairy Stone
on the ground for you to pick up...Letter S

*** Noon The Fairy ***
give her the Jar with Daniel and She gives you a torch no Stone

*** Aldarion The Ghost ***
if you have all 7 stones the ghost will unscramble the word...it will give you the amulet get amulet

*** Talin The Queen ***
give her the amulet ,she ask for the book to activate the amulet.gave you a safe key,go to the library,unlock safe, take the book ,go back
to queen, gave her the book, the Queen activates the amulet.
END

Anyway...back to work on this one..thanks for the support