Just gave it a quick look...
The style is good and the writing descriptive. I like the dialogue as well. The characters feel real when they talk. This is difficult to do, so kudos.
The criticism - copy-paste all your text to word and correct the grammatical/spelling mistakes. There are quite a few, namely with contractions, "business", your vs you're, etc. With the lengthy responses, use indentations or spaces to separate change in topics/dialogue. And try to get rid of the relentless "...'s".
Continue writing. I think it has potential! Finish a sizable chunk of it and update your game. Then, let us know you've updated it via this thread and we'll give it another look-see. And, as always, try out 'Xanadu - the Worlds Only Hope' and let me know what you think (perhaps I'll add that last bit to a permanent signature! Lol).
Happy gaming!
XanMag