Dusk Fall

AllanBassett
I've been getting more interested in IF recently and thought I'd give a stab at it.

http://textadventures.co.uk/games/view/lz7ipegv2kiv5n-jelncvg/dusk-fall

I mainly just wanted to see what the Quest system could do with this 'game', so there is nothing too complex in it, more a short story. Definitely found a few things about the editor and the system I'll change for my next attempts though.

Anywho, hope it's somewhat playable and not written so badly that you want to scratch out your eyes. Feedback is welcome.

XanMag
I played it - I think. =)

A couple of pointers (and I don't mean to be critical, so take it with a grain of salt):
1. Proofread - it's not terrible at all, but a was a little distracted by the apostrophe esses ('s) where they weren't needed. Only a few but there. Just my preference of course, but shorten the sentences. More periods, less commas, and eliminate a lot of 'though(s)'. Overall, however short it was, the writing made me "see" the place you were describing and you had a lot of examinable responses. Good stuff there.
2. I would try to leave the show exits on or explicitly state where exits to/from rooms are. I had a difficult time understanding which direction I could go and where the doors (north wall, south wall, etc) were located. In TA's I want to "see" the room and solve little puzzles, not spend time trying to figure out which way I can and cannot exit a room.
3. In the "bar" area, I typed "talk to man" and I was given six options (Sven, Mortimer, cloak, drink, 'instument', and hood). I did really like the things that said. It was well written and let me get to know the characters. I think maybe you ticked the box under object that it was a male object maybe?

Again, I didn't get beyond the three (I think) rooms. I'm pretty sure I could get into the basement but never did.

Overall, it seems like your game writing definitely has some potential and I'm glad you're giving IF a 'stab'. I look forward to expansions of this game and hopefully we will see some more games that you release in the future. If you have questions about the GUI, don't hesitate to ask. If you have questions about coding, go ahead and ask and I'm sure someone will help you (unfortunately I cannot yet!! lol).

Good luck and happy gaming!

XanMag

AllanBassett
Thanks a lot for the quick response, that was really helpful. I'm just going to reply to your points because it helps me understand what you're saying. :)

Yeah, I know I messed up a little on my 'esses', I find proof reading in Quest a little difficult just because of how it's setup. I can definitely improve upon that. The same would apply to my use of commas and 'though(s)', I know I tend to overuse them but I often find it hard to actually find good alternatives. That all just comes with writing experience I imagine, so more writing for me!

I would like to know more about what you said of the length of the passages though. How long is too long? I felt that one sentence describing a place would be too little, but this kind of feedback is just what I need to understand if that's not the case and why.

The exits are actually my biggest grief with the Quest system, just how they work in general, but I'll make sure to put more effort into explaining just where things are in the future. The same sort of thing applies to the 'talk to man' problem you had. I realized what I did after I submitted it, but honestly I was too lazy to fix it. The reason you got 'drink' for instance was because it was 'man's drink' as an alternative name I believe. I thought making the name have ownership from the man was a good idea, but I guess it's just unnecessary anyway.

Okay, there's my little explanation. If I'm being daft on something please call me out on it so I don't continue on being so. :)
And thanks again for the critique, appreciate you taking the time.

XanMag
Well... let me edit a bit. When I said too long, I specifically mean the sentences. The length of your descriptions is adequate. There definitely is no rule in how thoroughly you describe something in a TA. Some games work well with short descriptions that are easy to read and the player keeps on moving. Some games, like yours, I think, lengthy and thorough descriptions can be used to give the player a vision of the world they are playing in. Consider John Grisham novels vs Dean Koontz novels (if you read those authors =). Both do a good job telling a story, but Grisham books are simple and keep a complex story moving without being too demanding of the reader. Koontz, on the other hand, is detailed and meticulous when he writes and readers should really get a grasp and feel for the setting. Both are good and cater to a specific audience. You write more like Koontz, but most TA's I think are like Grisham. I've played both kinds and both can be enjoyable. So, in short, write how you want to. I just thought some sentences themselves were very long and it could be a smoother read if it was segmented a bit more. Advice on writing is tricky, however, because each writer is as different as each reader. More of a personal preference than anything, but you might want to consider avoiding anything that sounds like a run on. =) Make sense or am I just blabbering?

Using the GUI, exits are very easy. My method is:
1. Draw a large section of my game map on paper. I try to draw the whole thing first but at least a large chunk of rooms I want.
2. Add each room (+room) I want based on my map.
3. Go through and write a generic description for each room (sometimes it's a simple "It is very dark and cold in this tunnel. Your footsteps echo on the hard ground as you walk" and other times it's more elaborate if I want to portray a sense of importance (or drop hints for puzzles), and I basically make a list of objects that can be interacted with but not takeable (there is an option in the game tabs to generate a list of visible things in the room, but I don't really care for that much).
4. I click on the room my player starts in and then click the exits tab. On the right side of the screen there is an option to create an exit. Click on that, and select from your rooms where the player can go. I almost always also create an exit in the other direction, too. Then, I click on the next room and repeat until I get my whole map generated. There is an option in the game tabs to automatically generate a list of possible exits in a rooms script, but I don't like that either because I'm writing room descriptions that I want the player to read... not just look for exits to click on. But, each their own preferences. Exits are the easiest part I think once you understand them.
5. After I get a better feel for my exits, I go through and lock exits I want to lock (i.e. exits that will require the player specific actions to unlock areas on the map).
6. Finally, I go through each room or sections of related rooms and add objects to them (+object) that I want the player to look at. You can add them as scenery which is a nice touch to give the player freedom to look at whatever they want. I don't tick the scenery box if it is a REALLY obvious object that the player will definitely be interested in (NPC's and items that can be taken).

I guess I got carried away there and gave you my template I use to create my entire game. I'm not real experienced/published by any means but I've fiddled with Quest long enough to start to be comfortable.

As far as the talk to issue. Don't worry about using multiple names for things so much. I only use them if I think that the player may call it by some synonym. For example, for the drink in your game,I would have the main name as 'drink' but possibly add names like 'beer' or mug' or 'alcohol'. By naming it man's drink, that tag will make it pop up if the player types in anything with man in it. "talk to man", "hit man", "x man", "ask man about drink", etc.

I have my biggest problems with turn scripts and timers for some reason so hopefully I don't have to help there!

If you have any questions, keep them coming! Feel free to PM me instead of keeping this post running, too.

Happy Gaming!

XanMag

AllanBassett
Thanks again for the reply, that actually makes things a lot clearer and you've given me some new authors to have a look at! :)

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