New game, about human drama *UPDATED*

NocheTriste
Hello, I signed up here yesterday, just because I got bored. And I recently read "Count Monte-Cristo" And the scene, in which the shipowner Morrel starts to commit suicide made me think about AAA titles, that are released, and we all know, that in none of them real drama or horror can be found. So I returned to the start of video games, and thought to myself, maybe should I make a text adventure. And so now here I am.

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You are an Italian shipowner by the name of Firnino Ettore 53 years old, who has built a lasting empire of trading. You own 5 of the most profitable ships on the ocean, which sail to Spain, England, France and Africa. Your son, Faria Ettore, is 22 years old has gone to France. Your daughter is 16 years old and lives with you.
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The game is under the genre horror, because that's what it is essentially. I think, that the less said, the better. If you are interested, you should try playing it. The game is constantly trying to make you do things, that you do not want to do, but you have no other choices., when you are cornered in the situation.

And the drama, and mourning, the tension, and choices... That for me is real horror.

LINK HERE: http://textadventures.co.uk/games/view/ ... bankruptcy

I am looking for proof readers, test players, and feedback. Also I will take suggestions.
---------------------UPDATE 1.0-------------------------------------
Still very rough around the edges. Having some ideas for the son. Still taking suggestions. Have a good day.

I used the advice given by the only replier.

Now, I added some more details.

*Edmond Dantés cameo
*Stylistic choices
*Pictures
*Detailed descriptions about the history of your ships
*Business ledger
*Description about Monique's untimely end
*First choices

Entropic Pen
Very good start, I'm guessing this is your first game and this is the first build. And for your first build of your first game, I have to say that it is very ambitious and it does look like you're putting a lot of effort into it which is something that can't be said about a lot (but not all) games that I've seen have.

As for the story, well I'm going on record by saying that I'm more of a "sci-fi action"-type writer/reader who likes to write about lasers, lightsabers, rocket chariot-racing, and spaceships. With that, this is an instance where I found myself intrigued to keep reading and see where the story goes.

My only complaint are in those moments where you reserved about a page for an entire sentence with one page link. I find those as a pet peeve of mine as it is nothing but redundant.

Keep up the good work!

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